TEST DRIVE MEME #2

[zhautasmods]

Awakening

Artificial lights assault your eyes. It takes a few blinks for them to adjust properly. Quiet mechanical whirs and clicks sound in the small, sparse space that you had likely been corralled into before being put to sleep for the long journey. As grogginess fades away and lucidity starts to take hold, you begin to remember where you are and why you’re here on this spaceship thousands of light years away from home and perhaps everything and everyone you’ve ever known.

The multiverse is sick. It’s dying. And it’s up to you to save it. Or, at least, that’s what the Zenith Corporation had told you when they announced their search for a cure across the multiverse. They hand-picked individuals to be "volunteers" for the next stage of experimentation. Maybe they made it sound dire, maybe you already had your mind set to help, or maybe the specifics of how you could help was vague. Considering the alternative was wasting away on your home planet with no promise of when this cure might actually come to fruition, it ultimately wasn’t much of a choice either way.

Everything comes to life the more awake that you start to feel. "Good morning, volunteer," sounds a synthetic, feminine voice in your ear. That must be one of the fancy features they advertised about the chip that was injected just beneath your skin. A projected HUD above your torso displays and scrolls through several readings about the state of your being. "A scan of your vital signs show that everything is functioning as normal." There’s a small pause. "Wait-" The spike of alarm that should follow that single, distressed-sounding word is accompanied by a light chime. "Emotional responses are still accurate, too. Thank you for your cooperation!" Without any further explanation or allowing for protest, she continues on. "I hope you enjoyed your nap! We’ll be descending to planet #05031941 - common name designated as Zhautas - in approximately three hours. There will be a brief orientation for all volunteers exactly one hour before landing. Due to potential unnatural stress levels upon awakening from stasis, I suggest a relaxing trip to the garden beforehand."

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
My name is R.O.S.I.E. and, on behalf of all of us at the Zenith Corporation, we’re happy to have you aboard.

Code Credit

Say Aloe (Prospective Players Only)

Red lights lead the way to the gym, green will be your path to the gardens, ostignuh is- Wait, what do you mean the color ostignuh is burning your eyes? Huh. They must have over-corrected for your species. Oh, well. They’ll fix that for the next trip. For now, don’t worry about it. It probably didn’t lead to anything important anyway!

1. The staff is much more attentive this time than they were with the first wave of volunteers. Poor feedback and the threat of losing their jobs if they don't improve their standing will do that! Unfortunately, it isn't just the colors that have been over-corrected. Despite how many times you tell the very helpful staff member that you're fine, they won't leave you alone. Are you sure? They can walk with you if you'd like. They can even hold your hand if you're overwhelmed! If there's anything you need, they're here for you.
   
   Maybe if you find a buddy to walk you to your destination they might divert their attention to a different volunteer. The buddy system is pretty fool-proof, after all.


2. As you draw closer to the gardens, the lights in the hallway begin to dim. In fact, the only available source of illumination for a small distance is the thin green line across the floor guiding your way. Careful not to trip! There's handy railing to hold onto or maybe you accidentally grab the arm of that (hopefully) cute person nearby. It's kind of hard to tell and green isn't really a flattering color anyway.
   
   Suddenly, you're stepping into a wide open space of twilight. Iridescent flowers dot the landscape for as far as the eye can see. They come in all different shapes, sizes, and glow softly in this simulated night-scape. Trees of shining magenta leaves and blue bark wind up to the stars. Or, at least, the viewing panels that allow the stars to be seen from inside the ship. Not to worry, it's entirely safe and beautiful!
   
   The featured flower of this month is the Nykt Blossom. Be warned, however, that inhaling its pollen causes increased levels of oxytocin. This will cause you to feel compelled to bond socially with others. That is, you might find yourself a lot more friendly than usual! Maybe a little too friendly, even, if you're especially susceptible to its effects.


3. It's very easy to miss the warning signs in this dark as you step into the section of the garden that houses the more alien plant-life.
   
   They'll fix that for the future, of course, but for now many volunteers are likely finding themselves subject to the same unfortunate circumstances. Coitendrils are in abundance here; they're a pretty touchy feely species. It's a plant that thrives in warm conditions and grows at an incredibly fast rate to seek out these cozy spots. As it turns out, your body warmth is the highest temperature around and exactly what it's looking for.
   
   Before you know it, long green tendrils are suddenly growing around your arms or legs in speedy spirals. They get everywhere in a matter of mere seconds. Their growth is aggressive, finding ways beneath the fabric of whatever clothes you happen to be wearing and to the skin below. The only way to reverse their growing hold is to cool yourself off and fast. Maybe someone can grab you some ice?

Orientation (Prospective Players Only)

Around an hour before landing, an announcement is made to everyone aboard the ship. It’s time to find your way to the amphitheater for orientation. If anyone gripes, they are reminded that it has mandatory safety information that the Zenith Corporation is legally required to cover. In fact, there's even a quiz at the end to make sure you understand all the technical ins and outs! The Zenith Corporation only has your best interests at heart. They also can’t afford another lawsuit or PR nightmare but who can, really? It’s only a half an hour long and R.O.S.I.E. reassures everyone that it will go by faster than they think.

1. Are you way too cool for school? If you try to play hookey, the crew members of the spaceship are already on guard. You're not the first one to try this and they doubt you'll be the last. Try as you might to super sleuth your way around, there’ll be someone at apparently every single turn and twist you try.
   
   It’s also very likely that in scrambling to find a place to hide you’ll run into someone else breaking the rules! Perhaps great minds think alike and you decide to try to defy the system together. Or maybe they’re totally just getting in your way and you decide instead to throw them to the wolves to give yourself a better chance at escaping certain boredom that is an informational seminar. The choice is yours, volunteer!


2. Whether you come to the orientation willingly or are dragged in by one of the staff, you’ll quickly realize just how bad R.O.S.I.E. lied. A half an hour feels almost like ten hours instead. The last time you checked your watch, it was somehow later than when you check it now. Is time going backward? It sure seems like it the longer you listen to the monotone voice read over colored flavor text clearly meant to engage but missing its mark stupendously. Even the motivation of a quiz at the end that needs to be passed in order to disembark seems to do little to nothing for your dwindling attention span.
   
   Finally, there’s a break in the bureaucratic monotony. The faceless, droning voice introduces one of the staff currently on Zhautas, Jeneviere. He's assistant to the head scientist, Professor Quintalian, and freshly assigned overseer of new volunteers. He also looks like he absolutely doesn't want to be the one doing this seminar.
   
   "Come now, Jenny," says a masculine voice off screen. "You promised."
   "I know what I said," he snaps, glaring off camera and not seeming to care much for the fact this is a live feed nor that these new volunteers are expecting something a bit more professional.
   "Then what's the problem?" the voice asks again. As it does, a tentacle wiggles into view and gives a reassuring pat on the deerman's shoulder. "I know for a fact that you like being filmed, Jenny, so really this shouldn't be so daunting-"
   
   As he speaks, Jeneviere's cheeks suddenly burn red hot. He stands forcefully out of his chair and uses one of those hoofs to kick harshly at the source of the tentacles. There's a very undignified squawk at the attack before the video feed cuts out and a technical difficulties sign is displayed.
   
   "... Right," the narrator from before says to break the undeniably awkward silence. "Just give us a moment, volunteers, and we'll get a pre-recorded seminar ready for you instead. In the meantime, let's open up communications with the facility and allow you to discuss with those already on the planet about what they've enjoyed most about their time on Zhautas so far?*
   
   
3. Hopefully, you didn't forget about the quiz! The staff certainly didn't. After the pre-recorded seminar is run, papers are handed out. A quiet shuffle carries through the room as people pass them to and fro down the aisles. It all seems rather arbitrary and tedious but remember! You have to pass in order to disembark.
   
   It isn't too hard. Or maybe it is. Perhaps it's just the pressure that you only have fifteen minutes to complete it. What was the professor's first name again? How many research facilities are there on the planet? Staff are scrutinizing your every move now, it feels like. Do you take the risk and try to whisper for help to the person next to you? Pass notes? Do what you must to succeed! ...Or you can just shamefully take the quiz again and again and again until they're legally obligated to let you off board.

Welcome to Zhautas! (All Players)

Finally, it's time to disembark at the research facility. This time they have the right coordinates so it's as easy as stepping off the ship and to your new home away from home. Or, at least, it should have been that easy...

There's an awful lot of construction going on around here. Several beings with hard hats, power tools, and ridiculous amounts of glue are rushing about. They're shouting orders and saying "excuse me" where they remember to. Still, it can be hard to get a word in edgewise about the fact that you're new volunteers here to check-in. In addition to the construction, there's also an awful lot of important-seeming people walking throughout the facility as well that staff are far more attentive to than you.

In short, it's borderline chaos as you try to get your bearings.

1. "Bad news, new volunteers," says R.O.S.I.E. in the midst of all the commotion. "We have your housing assignments but there have been some... technical difficulties in preparing the new rooms." There's actually been a lot of technical difficulties, period. Maybe you've already noticed with the lights randomly changing color or dimness, the vending machine that launched your drink at you, or R.O.S.I.E. herself glitching out periodically when responding. The problem with the rooms is that the doors won't open. Or they won't stay closed. Or that they open and close constantly and forcefully so it's a safety hazard. As if everything else going on with all the construction isn't.
   
   "We're working on it as fast as we can, but for now, we've set up a temporary sleeping situation until its resolved." Everyone will be directed to one of the larger common rooms in the east wing of the facility while the rest of the volunteers are still awaiting their new housing as promised. Mattresses are laid out in rows on the floor. There's plenty of blankets, pillows, and even some LED lights strung around the room to provide some nice ambience.
   
   Additionally, there's a screen covering one of the walls for a movie to be projected on before bed. R.O.S.I.E. has chosen a thematically appropriate film that was approved by Professor Quintalian himself. Snacks are provided too! It's an old-fashioned sleepover, volunteers. Make a blanket fort, enjoy what's on for your viewing pleasure, and have - most of all - have fun.


2. What's a sleepover without scary stories? Flashlights have been provided and it's time to get spooky. Here's your chance to share that real thriller that you know from back home. Maybe another world has a similar tale! Either way, there's nothing like bonding over a little healthy fear. Right?
   
   Or maybe terrifying strangers isn't your idea of a good time and you'd rather make shadow puppets instead. That's also an option! In fact, some people are trying to start a contest out of it to see who can cast the most creative shadows around.


3. The night staff comes around for one last security sweep. Get some sleep, they say. It's been a long day. Tomorrow might be even longer if they still can't figure out the rooms or where to put all these new volunteers for the time being.
   
   As nice as that sounds, it's a little easier said than done. Whether it's the construction noise, the person next to you snoring, or late night existential thoughts it's difficult for sleep to find you. Maybe talking to someone might help? Or maybe you just need to go to the bathroom. Good luck crossing the swath of bodies, in the case of the latter, and who knows! You might find someone else having as much trouble sleeping as you that you can commiserate with.
   
   Or maybe you're the one snoring. Do you happen to kick in your sleep? How unfortunate for the person assigned to the mat next to you. They might be courteous or they might tell you just how obnoxious it is. Whatever the case might actually be, you're likely in for a long first night here at the research facility.

Network/Bangr (All Players)

During all the goings-on, R.O.S.I.E. will prompt you to set up your presence on the network. Pick a username, a profile picture, and commence to shitposting immediately if you so desire! Additionally, if you want to get a headstart on your contribution to the volunteer program, why not set up your Bangr? R.O.S.I.E. even has an icebreaker question ready for you! They change every month. This month's question is:

Do you like wake-up sex or staying up all night?*
(*Despite what you might actually put, know that R.O.S.I.E. is a little glitchy. What you wrote might not actually be what's displayed! I.E., you can totally use this as a misfire type deal in case your character wouldn't answer this question.)

bangr

Professor Quintalian | 35

Do you like wake-up sex or staying up all night?
Wake-up sex is the best, in my opinion. Hormones are more haywire first thing in the morning; it's just scientific sense to get your bang in during wake-up time.

✓	✕
YES <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span>	NO <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span>

BANGR CODE Please copy this pastebin for now!

Extra Notes

• The BANGR code only works in comments, there is a separate code for entries!
  If you're testing this code before posting it here please do so in a comment to an entry for accuracy!


• TDM top levels are allowed for current characters and/or new characters!
  However, current characters can ONLY interact with the following prompts:
  WELCOME TO ZHAUTAS where new characters are on the planet AND/OR the network options available if they want the thread to be considered game canon.



NAVIGATION ✦ TAKEN ✦ RESERVES

Comments

[crabinthebucket]

MAYBE NOT TO SOME FECKLESS SHITPANNED IDIOT WHO NEVER LEFT THEIR HIVE.

[plebetography]

feck what????
dude! what’s with the yelling!!

also are you a bee alien?
i don’t live in a hive

[crabinthebucket]

[ deep breaths, ok. ]

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

[plebetography]

[ You got this, karkat. ]

prompto!
what about yours?

[crabinthebucket]

OK. PROMPTO.
MINE IS KARKAT AND, TO BE *ABUNDANTLY* CLEAR, *NOT* HUMAN.
OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE?
I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT THIS AND ANY FUTURE GRAY ERUPTIONS LAYING DOWN VERITABLE SUICIDE DROPS OF TEXT HERE ARE DEFINITELY WORDS TO ME, NOOKWIPE.
THEY'LL BLAST FROM MY SHOUT BLISTER LIKE SEDIMENTARY MISSILES LAUNCHED FROM THE FIERY ORIFICE OF A FURIOUS EARTH VOLCANO.
YOUR FORMERLY PRISTINE COMMUNICATION LAWNSCAPE WILL BE BLIGHTED FOREVERMORE, PEPPERED WITH ALTERNIAN TERMINOLOGY YOU'LL STUB YOUR FIGURATIVE STRUT PODS ON, FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE.
THIS IS MY GIFT TO YOU, *SPECIFICALLY*.
YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME.

[plebetography]

[ Prompto can't even begin to process everything that was just said here. Karkat may as well be speaking in another language because nookwipe? Gray eruptions of what? He makes a face at his phone and literally holds it far away because he feels like he can hear the shouting.

But he registers quick that Karkat isn't human. This must be an alien thing. The yelling and the weird words. He doesn't want to be disrespectful of other cultures, so he takes it quite literally as just Karkat being Karkat. Alternian.

Even if he doesn't know what that entails. ]

uh
thank you?
yeah, i'm about as human as human can get so i got maybe about 75% of all that

it's nice to meet you, karkat!
even if i'm super confused rn

[crabinthebucket]

WOW, A CHILL JUST RAN UP MY POSTURE POLE.
EVEN YOUR RESPONSES ARE LIKE HIS.
THIS IS REALLY FUCKING UNSETTLING, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

[plebetography]

what?
like who’s?

[crabinthebucket]

A FRIEND.
ANYWAY IT DOESN'T MATTER, JUST DON'T DO THE THING AND WE'RE FINE.

[plebetography]

don’t do the thing?
lmao dude, i’m just being me!
i can’t not be anything else

[crabinthebucket]

THIS IS ALREADY GOING TO SUCK HARDER THAN PLUGGING A HULL BREACH WITH MY OWN SHAMEGLOBES, I CAN TELL.

[plebetography]

[ Was... Was that an insult? ]

so that’s cool
do you come with a translator?

[crabinthebucket]

NO, ALSO: FUCK YOU.
IF I CAN NAVIGATE THE VERITABLE MINEFIELD OF YOUR PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE WITHOUT MAKING AN ENORMOUS FOOL OF MYSELF, MAYBE EVEN YOU CAN ABSORB A FEW WORDS OF ALTERNIAN VERNACULAR INTO THAT POROUS CRANIAL CARAPACE OF YOURS.

TRY THIS ONE.
"WEAKSLIME FREAKOUT WEASEL".

[plebetography]

[ Okay, he got that first one. And also that last one? ]

woah, hey!
come on now there’s no need for that
jeez, i was at least taught not to call people names

but i’m also kinda having a hard time taking this seriously?
just saying: these insults are almost too bizarre for them to hurt
(actually they’re really funny)

[crabinthebucket]

[ Karkat snorts in what is definitely not amusement at all. ]

EXCUSE YOU, MY SHIT-TALKING IS ENTIRELY CONSTRUCTIVE!
BESIDES.
WEAKSLIME IS A VERSATILE STARTER INSULT, USEFUL IN NEARLY EVERY OCCASION.
I'M TRYING TO EXPAND YOUR INTERGALACTIC CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE, YOU INGRATEFUL SHIT.

[plebetography]

[ Prompto is actually very sensitive and easy to bully, but uh... Karkat? Buddy? These are just too silly to take seriously. Especially with your typing quirk. ]

i’m sorry!
i just can’t take any of these seriously, i’m spending all this time imagining you angrily typing and screaming?
and half of your shit talking doesn’t make sense!
what is a nookwipe even???

[ He is literally laughing. ]

[crabinthebucket]

[ This is not actually terrible. Except for asking about what a nookwipe is. ]

NO. YOU'RE NOT, STOP SPOUTING THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A NON-APOLOGY AND CONSIDER THAT MAYBE I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE SOMEWHERE DOING JUST THAT.
SPEWING A CORUSATING STREAM OF VITRIOL IN A FLAWLESS SIMULATION OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH EMERGENCY IMMOLATION HYDRATION SPIGOTS.
JUST ME AND MY OPEN SQUAWK GAPER SCREAMING AND SCREAMING INTO INFINITY.
I'M MAKING PERFECT SENSE, YOU UNINDOCTRINATED IDIOT.

[plebetography]

[ HE CANT DEAL WITH THESE MIXED SIGNALS. ]

see, there it is again!
it’s so over the top that i seriously can’t tell if you’re joking or not!

fingers crossed, i’m not trying to make you mad or anything
i am just so confused
hahaha;;;;;;;

[crabinthebucket]

SPARE ME YOUR CONCILIATORY BRAYING, PROMPTO.
BESIDES.
WHO CARES IF SOME FACELESS ALIEN STRANGER TROLLING YOU IS ANGRY WITH YOU OR NOT?

[ shhhhooosh, yes this is hypocritical ]

[plebetography]

trolling?
that’s what you were doing?

not to be mean or anything but
you’re looking at a guy who was the easiest target in grade school
those insults are too funny to make an impact

[crabinthebucket]

HOLD ON.
DID YOU JUST TRY TO APOLOGIZE FOR "BEING MEAN" WHILE REVEALING THAT YOU WERE BASICALLY SCHOOLFED ALL THROUGH YOUR CRITICAL STAGES OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT?
WE REALLY NEED TO WORK ON YOUR DELIVERY.

[plebetography]

i mean
my buddy noct is pretty easy to troll but i’m not trying to be mean or anything
don’t think i ever could!

[crabinthebucket]

[ Yeah, he used to think John couldn't get it either, but he did, eventually. ]

BUT YOU CAN.
LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST DID.
YOU JUST OFFERED UP YOUR FRIEND ON A GLISTENING NUTRITION PLATEAU AS A TARGET BY REVEALING HIS VULNERABILITY.
USING KNOWLEDGE YOU COULD ONLY HAVE BY INGRATIATING YOURSELF WITH THIS NOCT.
WHETHER YOU THINK OF YOURSELF AS MEAN OR NOT, YOU'RE STILL *SLIGHTLY* CAPABLE OF OWNING THE SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE.

[plebetography]

[ This conversation went in so many directions. But Prompto has already found himself drawn to this dude. He’s funny! ]

jeez, when you put it like that, it makes me sound evil!
but nah
he makes it easy
ok, i think i see your game here
teach me how to properly troll someone, professor karkat!

[crabinthebucket]

NO, THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.
THINK OF THIS AS LIKE...
THOSE VESTIGIAL PERPENDICULARLY ARRANGED DISCS FOR WIGGLER ACOLYTES IN THE USE OF A TWO WHEEL DEVICE?
EARTH TRAINING WHEELS IN THE FINE, ANCIENT ART OF SHIT-TALKING YOUR FRIENDS.
MAKING IT EASY IS A LIABILITY.
YOU'RE DOING YOUR FRIEND A FAVOR TOUGHENING HIM UP.