Artificial lights assault your eyes. It takes a few blinks for them to adjust properly. Quiet mechanical whirs and clicks sound in the small, sparse space that you had likely been corralled into before being put to sleep for the long journey. As grogginess fades away and lucidity starts to take hold, you begin to remember where you are and why you’re here on this spaceship thousands of lightyears away from home and perhaps everything and everyone you’ve ever known.
The multiverse is sick. It’s dying. And it’s up to you to save it. Or, at least, that’s what the Zenith Corporation had told you when they announced their search for a cure across the multiverse. They hand-picked individuals to be "volunteers" for the next stage of experimentation. Maybe they made it sound dire, maybe you already had your mind set to help, or maybe the exacts of how you could help was vague. Considering the alternative was wasting away on your home planet with no promise of when this cure might actually come to fruition, it ultimately wasn’t much of a choice either way.
Everything comes to life the more awake that you start to feel. "Good morning, volunteer," sounds a synthetic, feminine voice in your ear. That must be one of the fancy features they advertised about the chip that was injected just beneath your skin. A projected HUD above your torso displays and scrolls through several readings about the state of your being. "A scan of your vital signs show that everything is functioning as normal." There’s a small pause. "Wait-" The spike of alarm that should follow that single, distressed-sounding word is accompanied by a light chime. "Emotional responses are still accurate, too. Thank you for your cooperation!" Without any further explanation or allowing for protest, she continues on. "I hope you enjoyed your nap! We’ll be descending to planet #05031941 - common name designated as Zhautas - in approximately three hours. There will be a brief orientation for all volunteers exactly one hour before landing. Due to potential muscular atrophy from your time asleep, I recommend hitting the gym for some light physical therapy."
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. My name is R.O.S.I.E. and, on behalf of all of us at the Zenith Corporation, we’re happy to have you aboard. |
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Code Credit
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| Let's Get Physical |
If you happen to follow the advice that R.O.S.I.E. gave, the gym isn’t difficult to find. Everything on board is clearly marked with different colored lights lining the paths to your desired designation once it’s been set. How do you set it? Just think about where you want to go and presto! Technology sure is amazing, isn’t it? You can even text by thought here. Just be careful to set the filter on that sooner rather than later or else someone might get a very confusing message.
1.
Red lights lead the way to the gym, green has one ending up in the gardens, ostignuh is- Wait, what do you mean you can’t see the color ostignuh? Huh. That must be not be a thing for your species. Oh, well. They’ll fix that for the next trip. For now, don’t worry about it. It probably didn’t lead to anything important anyway!
If colors are just too hard for you to comprehend and you get lost, there are crew members happy to help you. "I’m on break," says the one you ask first. Despite this declaration, he continues writing on his notepad titled "volunteer observations" and glances up occasionally seemingly wondering why you are still there. Before you can ask another of the staff, they are conveniently called away or appear to vanish from plain sight. Even in a galaxy far, far away it’s impossible to get good customer service these days. It might be best to ask or follow a fellow volunteer who seems to have a better idea where they’re going.
2.
Upon (finally) arriving at the gym, you’ll find it’s outfitted with all sorts of equipment to suit several lifeform’s needs. There’s the standard set of treadmills, ellipticals, and even a rock climbing wall! Some stationary bikes seem to be fitted with three instead of two pedals and a couple weight stations have places for multiple hands to grab. It’s an interesting mix of familiar and traditional with the bizarre and alien. At least they have a wide variety.
Whatever machine you decide to try, it doesn’t seem to have instructions in a language you can read nor can you find a way to translate it. That's weird. Everything else has been readable! You thought that they said the translation device was "multiversal." Yet, for some reason, you still can't make heads or tails of these scribbles. But it can’t be too hard to figure out, right? If sucking up your pride and asking someone nearby isn’t an option, try your best! What’s the worst that can happen?*
( *As per the waiver you signed before boarding, the Zenith Corporation isn’t responsible for any bodily harm that you might befall. )
3.
If the bikes or treadmills aren’t your scene after all, there’s some of those new age vibration exercise machines. Actually, there seems to be a lot of emphasis on vibrations now that you’re noticing it. Is that a Hitachi magic wand attached to the front edge of that bike chair? And that is undeniably some kind of phallic shaped object buzzing idly as it stands upright on a mat designated for "squats." By the time you come across the fully automated sex swing, you might be realizing that this part of the gym isn’t advertising your average work-out. Awkward. Or not, depending on your kinks! The Zenith Corporation doesn’t judge.
Even if you’re feeling a little out of your element, it’s not all bad. That fine lady across the way in her skintight yoga pants just winked at you with several of her eyes.
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| Orientation |
 Around an hour before landing, an announcement is made to everyone aboard the ship. It’s time to find your way to the amphitheatre for orientation. If anyone gripes, they are reminded that it has mandatory safety information that the Zenith Corporation is legally required to cover. The Zenith Corporation only has your best interests at heart. They also can’t afford another lawsuit or PR nightmare but who can, really? It’s only a half an hour long and R.O.S.I.E. reassures everyone that it will go by faster than they think.
1.
Are you way too cool for school? If you try to play hookey, the crew members of the spaceship suddenly seem a lot more attentive than they had been before. Funny how that works when they might actually have to suffer consequences for their negligence! Try as you might to super sleuth your way around, there’ll be someone at apparently every single turn and twist you try.
It’s also very likely that in scrambling to find a place to hide you’ll run into someone else breaking the rules! Perhaps great minds think alike and you decide to try to defy the system together. Or maybe they’re totally just getting in your way and you decide to throw them to the wolves to give yourself a better chance at escaping certain boredom that is an informational seminar. The choice is yours, volunteer!
2.
Whether you come to the orientation willingly or are dragged in by one of the staff, you’ll quickly realize just how bad R.O.S.I.E. lied. A half an hour feels almost like ten hours instead. The last time you checked your watch, it was somehow later than when you check it now. Is time going backward? It sure seems like it the longer you listen to the monotone voice read over colored flavor text clearly meant to engage but missing its mark stupendously. Even the motivation of a quiz at the end that needs to be passed in order to disembark seems to do little to nothing for your dwindling attention span.
Just when you think you’re about to fall asleep on the poor person next to you, a blood-curdling scream sounds for only long enough to likely make you jump to attention. An eerie quiet falls over the crowd as the lecture continues unimpeded. Were you the only one that heard that, or...?
3.
Finally, there’s a break in the bureaucratic monotony. The faceless, droning voice introduces the head scientist of the Zenith Research Facility on Zhautas known as Professor Quintalian. His lengthy list of accomplishments are rattled off dry as dust. Only, wait- Did they just cite his sexual prowess as one? No, surely you’re just hearing things after tuning out for so long.
After a brief display of Zenith’s logo, the screen flickers and a bespectacled brunette man is smiling warmly at the camera. "Welcome, volunteers!" he chirps, sounding surprisingly sincere. "It is my pleasure to welcome you to our research facility situated on the former resort planet known as Zhautas. It’s climate, topography, and native species are perfect for carrying out the next stage of experiments that will hopefully help us all get one step closer to finding a cure for this dreadful disease infecting our galaxies. While some might claim our research is unorthodox, there have been proven links to oxytocin and the ways that it combats this disease. You can even ask my last assistant Mandy, lovely lady with legs for days and an ass that didn’t quit-"
Uhm.
You might feel compelled to ask the person next to you if this is going to be on the quiz as the professor’s explicit anecdote about his last love affair with his former assistant continues on with no sign of stopping. Or maybe it feels like it's getting a little warm in here. Just a touch hot under the collar, perhaps. Either way, a sense of discomfort throughout the amphitheater grows. This is really the guy that’s going to be in charge?
4.
Hopefully, you didn't forget about the quiz! The staff certainly didn't. Papers are passed out, a quiet shuffling of them carries through the room as people pass them to and fro down the aisles. It all seems rather arbitrary and tedious but remember! You have to pass in order to disembark.
It isn't too hard. Or maybe it is. Perhaps it's just the pressure that you only have fifteen minutes to complete it. What was the professor's first name again? How were many research facilities are there on the planet? Staff are scrutinizing your every move now, it feels like. Do you take the risk and try to whisper for help to the person next to you? Pass notes? Do what you must to succeed! ...Or you can just shamefully take the quiz again and again and again until they're legally obligated to let you off board.
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| Welcome to the Jungle |
 “What do you mean these aren’t the coordinates for the research facility?” asks your now irate captain over the main communication channel. A voice that some might remember as Professor Quintalian’s answers almost immediately after, unbothered tone sounding like it’s right in your ears.
"We moved," he explains simply. "Did they not inform you? I was told that it was in the queue but you know how things get lost in the interim!” The captain’s frown grows as the professor chuckles. "It’s not too terribly far to the new location. You could probably walk faster than the time it’d take to gather everyone back on board. Besides, it’s a beautiful day! Great chance for some exercise!"
"They already went to the gym," sounds R.O.S.I.E. briefly.
"And?" Quintalian asks. "Just between you and me R.O.S.I.E., dear, I think they could probably benefit from a little extra work." There's an uncertain seeming pause. "Those noodly legs after stasis, you know." He is well aware that it is not, in fact, just between R.O.S.I.E. and him. He also doesn’t care. "So, get walking volunteers! We’ll be waiting for you with a warm welcome."
Click.
1.
Welcome, volunteers, to Zhautas! Finally. The archipelago that houses the research facility is lushly green and teeming with life. There are flower’s big as an orgre’s head on the current trail you’re making. At first, it might just seem like a trick of the light shining through the trees but then you see it again and again and again. The petals of the flowers are flickering a beautiful array of colors right before your very eyes. In fact, it’s downright hypnotic. Even those who might not be able to see the colors are entranced by the way the patterns seem to dance.
The longer you happen to look, the more beautiful it seems. Before you even realize what’s happening, you’re taking broad steps towards the nearest flower. Just when you’re close enough to touch the colors cease and the plant lets out a deadly hiss. Thorns appear around its stigma like fangs and it will attempt to envelop your head in its petals and snap those thorns right around your neck. Maybe you’re the poor fool that got entranced by this deadly flora. If not, you’re probably one of the horrified bystanders watching the scene unfold. Either way, it’s about to be a very bloody and much more somber hike to the research facility if someone doesn’t do something and fast.
2.
The trek to the research facility had been nice to start. It was a chance to stretch your legs after so long cooped up in a spaceship. The hike, the captain says, will take about half a day. The fresh, balmy breeze was just everything you needed. In the morning, anyway. Now that it's nearing midday, the island's warmth has become a stifling heat beneath the ever thick canopy of trees. No matter how much ice water you drink or fanning you do, the heat simply will not cease.
Maybe it’s the person next to you that takes off their shirt first. Or perhaps you’re the one that has the bright idea that less clothing will somehow cool you off. The point is: 'it’s getting hot in here so take off all your clothes' seems to suddenly be the motto among this ragtag group of volunteers. If your propriety prevents you from stripping down, you can suffer through but might eventually at least roll up your sleeves and show a little bit of skin. Or pass out from heat exhaustion. Both work! Someone will carry you the rest of the way to the facility.
Probably.
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| Network |
During all the going ons, R.O.S.I.E. will prompt you to set up your presence on the network. Pick a username, a profile picture, and commence to shitposting immediately if you so desire! Additionally, if you want to get a headstart on your contribution to the volunteer program, why not set up your Bangr? R.O.S.I.E. even has an icebreaker question ready for you! They change every month. This month's question is:
Boxers or briefs? And please explain why!*
(*Despite what you might actually put, know that R.O.S.I.E. is a little glitchy. What you wrote might not actually be what's displayed! I.E., you can totally use this as a misfire type deal in case your character wouldn't answer this question.)
bangr
Professor Quintalian | 35
Boxers or briefs?
I personally prefer boxers for a variety of reasons. Spacier, easier to take off, easier access in general. Take your pick.
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BANGR CODE
PLEASE NOTE: This BANGR code only works in comments, there is a separate code for entries! If you're testing this code before posting it here please do so in a comment to an entry for accuracy!
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sexyspace2018-05-19 08:59 am
