TEST DRIVE MEME #6

[zhautasmods]

Awakening

Artificial lights assault your eyes. It takes a few blinks for them to adjust properly. Quiet mechanical whirs and clicks sound in the small, sparse space that you had likely been corralled into before being put to sleep for the long journey. As grogginess fades away and lucidity starts to take hold, you begin to remember where you are and why you’re here on this spaceship thousands of lightyears away from home and perhaps everything and everyone you’ve ever known.

The multiverse is sick. It’s dying. And it’s up to you to save it. Or, at least, that’s what the Zenith Corporation had told you when they announced their search for a cure across the multiverse. They hand-picked individuals to be "volunteers" for the next stage of experimentation. Maybe they made it sound dire, maybe you already had your mind set on helping, or maybe the exact specifications of how you could help were vague. Considering the alternative was wasting away on your home planet with no promise of when this cure might actually come to fruition, it ultimately wasn’t much of a choice either way.

Everything comes to life the more awake that you start to feel. "Good morning, volunteer," sounds a synthetic, feminine voice in your ear. That must be one of the fancy features they advertised about the chip that was injected just beneath your skin. A projected HUD above your torso displays and scrolls through several readings about the state of your being. "A scan of your vital signs show that everything is functioning as normal." There’s a small pause. "Wait-" The spike of alarm that should follow that single, distressed-sounding word is accompanied by a light chime. "Emotional responses are still accurate, too. Thank you for your cooperation!" Without any further explanation or allowing for protest, she continues on. "I hope you enjoyed your nap! We’ll be descending to planet #05031941 - common name designated as Zhautas - in approximately three hours. There will be a brief orientation for all volunteers shortly after landing. Due to potential unnatural stress levels upon awakening from stasis, I suggest a relaxing trip to the spa!"

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. My name is R.O.S.I.E. and on behalf of all of us at the Zenith Corporation, we’re happy to have you aboard.

Code Credit

Spa Day

Red lights lead the way to the gym, green is where you'll find the garden, blue will be your path to the pool, orange is where the food court is, aqua is how you find the aquarium, and grey will lead you to spa. As always, the color ostignuh is- Wait, what do you mean the color ostignuh is gone? Huh. That's weird. Where did the line even go? Oh, well. They’ll fix that for the next trip. For now, don’t worry about it. It probably didn’t lead to anything important anyway!

1. While the staff are helpful, many of them seem to be fairly distracted. There's an unmistakable uncertainty in the air. If anyone tries to ask, they reassure volunteers that everything is fine. Still, the moment that anything goes wrong or they can't exactly answer a question it's clear that they grow even more troubled. Just what's going on around here?
   
   They won't say. Maybe one or two might eventually let it slip that the Zenith Corporation isn't especially happy lately with Professor Quintalian and the progress that his volunteer program has been making. Not to worry though! That doesn't include you, new volunteers. In fact, you might be the ones to get things going in a positive direction again! After all, they wouldn't allow volunteers if they weren't going to keep running the program. Right? Right. So try not to think about it too much. Oh, and, don't tell their boss that they let you know this. They technically weren't supposed to.
   
   


2. As you draw closer to the spa, soothing music begins to play through the halls. A quiet orchestra fills the air idly as the lights begin to dim. Artifical gives way to candlelight. It also smells slightly of lavender. How nice!
   
   Suddenly, the hallway opens up into a large open area lined with warm pools infused with different plants and minerals. Some have rose petals floating along the water's surface while others are a creamy, milken color that's advertised to help exfoliate your pores and just feel really, really nice. Volunteers are instructed to take off all their clothes in a changing room off to the side and given only a soft, cotton robe to cover up instead while they explore this section of the ship.
   
   There are massage tables and oils available for volunteers to use. If they ask about a masseuse, they'll be told that the only one available is currently busy. It seems that he's one of the especially popular staff members, being a man with eight arms, and is unfortunately pre-occupied with his previous appointment. He has a tendency to get, uh. Very hands-on with his clients. There's a reason he has such great reviews though. Maybe next time, volunteer!
   
   Seeing as how there are no professionals available, maybe you could ask someone nearby if they wouldn't mind just rubbing a little tension out of your shoulders. You could even return the favor! Actually, this massage oil will make you feel a little more than just relaxed... Maybe they should have made the print about the fact that it also serves as an aphrodisiac a little bigger on the side of the bottle.


3. Off to the far end of the spa, there's a part that doesn't seem to be getting a lot of use. Upon investigating, volunteers will find that this secluded section houses a few mud baths. While not exactly the most sanitary seeming thing in the world, it does seem like it'd be fun to at least try...
   
   Once you settle into the mudbath, it's undeniably warm and relaxing. The earthen smell calls to mind visions of damp mountainsides and the forest right after a nice rain. It's enough to get lost in. Or, well, if would be if it didn't feel like something suddenly slithered past your leg. Maybe it was just a shifting of the mud naturally? It's hard to say. Give it a moment, however, and there it is again. It's a subtle movement but it's there. You're not the only one in this tub.
   
   The mud starts to bubble then between your legs. There will be a rush of pressure before a section of the surface pops and mud splatters your face. After wiping it away, you'll find yourself face-to-face with a mud slime. The sheen of its skin matches the mud almost perfectly but round of its head above the surface is what makes it stand out. It has two big, black eyes and its main body melts into the rest of the mudbath. It seems to be roughly spherical in shape but it's hard to tell with how... goopy it is. It means you no harm and might actually appear embarrassed that it's caught you in such a state. Who knew that mud slimes could blush?

Orientation

Shortly after landing, an announcement is made to everyone aboard the ship. It’s time to find your way to the amphitheater for orientation. If anyone gripes, they are reminded that it has mandatory safety information that the Zenith Corporation is legally required to cover. In fact, there's even a quiz at the end to make sure you understand all the technical ins and outs! The Zenith Corporation only has your best interests at heart. They also can’t afford another lawsuit or PR nightmare but who can, really? It’s only a half an hour long and R.O.S.I.E. reassures everyone that it will go by faster than they think.

1. Are you way too cool for school? If you try to play hooky, the crew members of the spaceship are already on guard. You're not the first one to try this and they doubt you'll be the last. Try as you might to super sleuth your way around, there’ll be someone at apparently every single twist and turn.
   
   It’s also very likely that in scrambling to find a place to hide, you’ll run into someone else breaking the rules! Perhaps great minds think alike and you decide to try to defy the system together. Or maybe they’re totally just getting in your way and you decide instead to throw them to the wolves to give yourself a better chance at escaping the certain boredom that is an informational seminar. The choice is yours, volunteer!


2. Whether you come to the orientation willingly or are dragged in by one of the staff, you’ll quickly realize just how bad R.O.S.I.E. lied. A half an hour feels almost like ten hours instead. The last time you checked your watch, it was somehow later than when you check it now. Is time going backward? It sure seems like it the longer you listen to the monotone voice read over colored flavor text clearly meant to engage but missing its mark stupendously. Even the motivation of a quiz at the end that needs to be passed in order to disembark seems to do little to nothing for your dwindling attention span.
   
   Finally, there’s a break in the bureaucratic monotony. The faceless, droning voice announces an additional seminar from Professor Quintalian himself! He's the one in charge of the volunteer program here on Zhautas and so very happy to meet everyone. The topic of today will be natural aphrodisiacs. Considering the location that volunteers will be arriving at, it seems very apt!
   
   When the video starts, the professor appears to already be in the mood with hair tussled and shirt haphazardly re-buttoned. He isn't in a pristine lab space like usual but what looks to be a rustic bedroom. "Hello, volunteers," he says, smile warm and inviting. He then begins into a short educational spiel about the different natural aphrodisiacs that people may know of already - saffron, red ginseng, maca - but others that are also only found on Zhautas. As he talks, there's a shuffle from the bed behind him that seems to draw his attention away from the camera. An antlered man sits upright, still groggy.
   "Good morning, dear," he says sweetly.
   "What are you-" the deerman starts but is interrupted.
   "We can get up soon, I just have to finish this lecture first and then we'll be on our way. Promise." The feed is abruptly ended as something appears to be thrown at the device recorder. The world goes lopsided, Professor Quintalian gives a squawk, and then it's static and silence.
   
   "Thank you, professor," the voice says, cutting off the feed and with discomfort clear in his tone. "Wasn't that... enlightening! Volunteers, what do you think about the topic of natural aphrodisiacs? Discuss amongst yourselves!"


3. Hopefully, you didn't forget about the quiz! The staff certainly didn't. After the pre-recorded seminar is run, papers are handed out. A quiet shuffle carries through the room as people pass them to and fro down the aisles. It all seems rather arbitrary and tedious but remember! You have to pass in order to disembark.
   
   It isn't too hard. Or maybe it is. Perhaps it's just the pressure that you only have fifteen minutes to complete it. What was the professor's first name again? How many research facilities are there on the planet? Staff are scrutinizing your every move now, it feels like. Do you take the risk and try to whisper for help to the person next to you? Pass notes? Do what you must to succeed! ...Or you can just shamefully take the quiz again and again and again until they're legally obligated to let you off board.

Welcome to Zhautas

Finally, it's time to disembark on Zhautas. Instead of stepping into a tropical paradise, however, volunteers are greeted by the crip air of Autumn and crunch of fallen leaves. Welcome to Nevrione! They're happy to have you here.

Volunteers will be dropped off at the outskirts of the city of Heawood. The market is bustling, the streets are full, and most homes have their doors and windows open to peer out at passerbys. For the most part, everything seems fairly busy throughout. While volunteers will be directed by staff to the Nevrione Inn, why not stop and explore a little bit? The locals certainly don't seem to mind the company.

1. In Nevrione the current seasons is clearly Autumn. There’s orange, red, and yellows everywhere in varying shades and varieties. Once everyone descends from the hill they had the initial view from, the trees seem to stand so tall that it might make your head spin if you look up for too long. Piles of their fallen leaves are collected neatly and ripe for jumping in if you so choose.
   
   When you next blink, the person next to you might suddenly be a lot more fashionable. They might be sporting a beanie with a little pompom on top. If your fingers suddenly feel constricted, that could be the mitts that have formed over them. Several people may now have a warm-colored scarf draped around their neck as well. No skin is showing anymore as everyone’s outfits switch over to long sleeves and pant legs, which extend to cover any and everything they can. All the way down to the socks, everyone should find themselves feeling especially cozy and bundled up in a range of fall-themed fashion.


2. Perhaps a pair of a bunny ears pops up from a burrow close by and pink nose twitches as they snuffle the air uncertainly. Or maybe a little-feathered child blinks owlishly as strangers pass by before its mother swoops down to tell him that it’s rude to stare. Whatever the case may be, one thing is clear: this new group of volunteers - like the ones before them - stand out.
   
   Suddenly, R.O.S.I.E. turns on one of her newest features to help volunteers blend in a little better. Someone next to you might sprout cat or dog ears. Don’t mind if you get knocked in the face suddenly by someone’s new butterfly wings. It happens! It’s also possible they take on the long whiskers of a Coeurl or plumage of a Chocobo or other animals entirely unfamiliar to some. Either way, everyone just got a lot more animal-like. While it doesn’t look exactly like the natives, it does bring a smile to the faces of the locals and they seem a bit more generally receptive to the people waltzing into their homeland.
   
   This feature is extremely customizable. Volunteers can toggle it off if they don’t want it at all. Additionally, they can have as many or as few animal features as they’d like. They can also change what creature they’d like to take after with just a thought! The only limitation seems to be that they can only appear as one animal at a time.
   
   
   
   While all the add-ons seem to be mostly for aesthetic, it is a lot of fun to play around with!


3. The market seems to be an especially lively place this time of day. Like before, it's buzzing now with constant activity. Ihon hop across the way and iffon swoop to and fro and might even snatch up a snack from a local food stand as they go. Be careful you weren't aiming for the same one! Those talons are surprisingly sharp.
   
   There are shouts left and right to come and see what they've got, how their products can only be found here, and other bold claims. It's been a while since they've had any new customers so they're really pulling out the stops to get people to buy, buy, buy. There's plenty to purchase, although one of the features is a section of the market a little less literally loud because it shouts at people in a different way.
   
   The blacksmiths and leatherworkers are diligent in their craft. They work close together to make the finest leather cuffs, whipping crops, and more (nsfw links). They aren't shy about displaying their products nor do they hide what they're for. The people of Nevrione are a very open, sex-positive people it seems and this appears to be their expertise. They'll be happy to answer any questions that volunteers might have, as well as have a sales pitch at the ready for anyone that might show interest in their wares.

Network/Bangr

During all the goings-on, R.O.S.I.E. will prompt you to set up your presence on the network. Pick a username, a profile picture, and commence to shitposting immediately if you so desire! Additionally, if you want to get a headstart on your contribution to the volunteer program, why not set up your Bangr? R.O.S.I.E. even has an icebreaker question ready for you! They change every month. This month's question is:

Would you rather have sex with the lights on or the lights off?*
(*Despite what you might actually put, know that R.O.S.I.E. is a little glitchy. What you wrote might not actually be what's displayed! I.E., you can totally use this as a misfire type deal in case your character wouldn't answer this question.)

bangr

Professor Quintalian | 35

Would you rather have sex with the lights on or the lights off?
Both have their appeal, honestly. I do so enjoy having a clear look at my partner's O-face though. Everyone's is so unique. It makes for a lovely mental snapshot.

✓	✕
YES <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span>	NO <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span>

BANGR CODE <raw-code> <!--MAIN BACKGROUND & HEADER--> <center> <div style="background: url('https://i.imgur.com/5JdOZQB.png'); margin: auto; width: 300px; height: 500px; padding: 30px; border-radius: 20px;"> <div style="font-family: 'Orbitron', Open Sans, sans serif; color: #d3d7f9; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 28px; text-align: center; letter-spacing: 10px; padding-bottom: 10px; border-bottom-style: groove; border-bottom-color: #aeb1d1; border-bottom-width: 1px; line-height: 16px" align="center"> <i><b>bangr</b></i> </div> <!--PROFILE IMAGE BG & PROFILE IMAGE--> <div style="width: 275px; height: 275px; border: 5px solid #aeb1d1; border-radius: 170px; padding: 0px; margin: 15px auto"> <div style="background: url('https://i.imgur.com/cIPyvXC.png'); background-size: cover; width: 225px; height: 225px; border-radius: 180px; padding: 25px; background-position: center;"> <div style="background: url('**YOUR PROFILE IMAGE HERE**'); background-size: auto 220px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: center; border-radius: 130px; width: 223px; height: 223px; padding-top: 223px; background-position: center; border: 1px dotted #aeb1d1"> </div> </div> </div> <!--PROFILE TEXT--> <div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Orbitron', Open Sans, sans serif; text-transform: uppercase; margin-top: -10px; text-align: center; color: #dadeff;"> <b>NAME | AGE</b> </div> <div style="height: 120px; background: url('https://i.imgur.com/mi2ArCG.png'); overflow-y: auto; margin: 5px auto; border-radius: 6px; padding: 10px; font-family: Open Sans, sans serif"> **INSERT PROFILE INFO HERE** </div> </div> <div style="clear: both"></div> </div> <br /> <!--YES/NO CODES--> <center><table><tr><td style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span> </td><td style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></div></td></tr><tr> <td style="text-align: center"><big><big><big><b>YES</big></big></big></b><br /> <textarea><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span> </textarea></td> <td style="text-align: center"><big><big><big><b>NO</big></big></big></b><br /> <textarea><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span> </textarea></td> </tr> </table> </center> </center> </raw-code> </textarea>

PLEASE NOTE: This BANGR code is the COMMENT-FRIENDLY version, there is a separate code for entries! If you're testing this code before posting it here please do so in a comment to an entry for accuracy!

Extra Notes

• Remember that all prompts are OTA! It can now be assumed that after the ship lands, current volunteers in-game were able to board and hang-out for a little bit before it leaves again! That means established volunteers can welcome new members, show them around parts of the ship they're familiar with, and explore new areas that weren't open during their own arrival! Only new volunteers will be taking the orientation quiz, but established volunteers are free to peek inside the room or try to help with the quiz!


• A reminder that the TDM can be considered game canon and timeline-wise the TDM takes place on the 8th when the arrival ship arrives, as shown on the calendar.


• Going into NOVEMBER, we are continuing with an APPLICATION CAP of (40).

NAVIGATION ✦ TAKEN ✦ RESERVES

Comments

Relm Hawke | Dragon Age

[indigobird]

1. Mud Spa

Hawke's gotten through all of this so far with a determined effort of suspension of disbelief, her usual chutzpah, and the conviction that this place has to be better than wandering around as a fugitive in Thedas. But once she's able to be up and about, she beelines for this spa the staff and signs tout. Peace and quiet and relaxation. Three things she hasn't had much of lately and could really use right now.

The flower-littered water's full, so Hawke meanders over to the mud pools. Not exactly cleanly but they seem warm and honestly, she's probably been dirtier. Hawke's not exactly shy, but even she feels a tad weird going into the pool naked in front of other people, so yes, she slides in a bit quickly, glad that mud's not exactly transparent.

This is going to take some getting used to- and there's something slithering by her leg oh Maker what the fuck-

Relm retracts her leg, frowning as she scans the mud. One hand's already lifted, stone slowly encasing it as she readies herself to strike as needed. The surface remains still for a moment, and she almost lowers her guard. Until there's a sudden pop and mud splatters on her face. Hawke pushes back instinctively, wiping the mud off her face as she readies a Stone Fist-

...okay, that creature is strangely cute and it's enough to make her pause. She tilts her head, and the slime seems to shrink, seemingly embarrassed. Well. This is new. "Soooo... they failed to mention I'd have company in this little pool." The slime sinks in further, almost trying to hide. "...look, if you stay over there then I won't pop you like an overinflated sack. Agreed?"

Given that the slime doesn't move, Hawke takes it as assent.

2. New Features

She's glad to be off the ship, quite frankly. This might be a new world, but there's familiarity in it. The trees are similar, the air smells the same, and there are people milling about. Granted, they're people with some strange, uh, characteristics, but at least they're identifiable people. Though Hawke does find it a little disorienting to see someone wag their tail in excitement.

Hawke shrugs it off, determined to go about her business and see the sights. At least until she feels something coming out of her ass. Understandably alarmed, she turns around and... lo and behold, there's a tail. And now there's something pressing against the strange knitted hat she found on her head not even five minutes ago. Her fingers dive under the cap to figure out what's going on. Inside she feels two furry little... are those ears? Her other hand slaps the side of her face and finds, well, yep, her normal human ears are gone. They embraced the furry lifestyle migrated up to the top of her head and sprouted fur. She pops the cap off, experimentally wiggling said ears.

R.O.S.I.E pounces (ha) on the chance to explain, intoning in her robotic voice what happened and all the lovely features Hawke could try out! ...or disable them if, you know, you're boring and whatnot.

"I know Fereldans are called dog lords but I think you're taking it a hair far. Or a fur far, I suppose."

3. Market

"That is, ah..."

The merchant beams proudly. "Finest leather working in Nevrione! And the fur lining's thick and comfortable. No worries about chafing."

Relm inspects the leather cuffs, agreeing that it did, in fact, seem to be good leather. "No arguments from me there. But wouldn't you know, I don't have anyone to use them with."

His laughter booms out across the way, drawing the heads of a few curious onlookers. "I hardly think that'll be a problem for long," he assures her with a smile. "And when the time - and mood - strikes, wouldn't you be glad you had these handy?"

Hawke, playfully, narrows her eyes at him a little. "Are you trying to angle me a sell on the basis that I might spontaneously need to cuff someone - or myself?" She pauses. "...wait, that could absolutely happen, what am I talking about?"

The merchant chuckles (quieter this time) and shrugs. "I think you just did it for me."

"...oh, you're good." And she's actually considering it.

bangr

Relm Hawke | 34

Would you rather have sex with the lights on or the lights off?
Either or. It's nice to see what you're doing and watch the other person, but there's definitely a certain... allure to the darkness. Sometimes it's nice not to be able to see and you can only feel and hear what's happening.

✓	✕
YES <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#33cc33;">✓</span>	NO <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span>

2 - new features

[defaulthawke]

Well, well, well. If it isn't a ruffled newcomer confusedly fondling their animal parts. Garrett is sprawled on a nearby bench, eating something that is sweet, cold, and almost definitely food, watching in amusement. The woman figures out her ears quickly enough, even twitching and wiggling them after getting sick of feeling up her tail.

Then she says something that gets his undivided attention. Ferelden. Unless there's another Ferelden floating around somewhere, this woman has to be from Thedas. Or one of the many Thedases, at least.

He stands up and walks over to her, trying his best not to actually loom. It's not an easy feet, considering his six-and-a-half-foot height... and impressive rack of Arishok horns. "Pardon me, but I couldn't help overhearing the name of a certain partially-blighted mabari homeworld. Do you know the name Thedas?"

[indigobird]

Thanks to the new dog ears, she hears the man coming towards her before she sees him. It's weird being able to hear so well, but it's definitely an advantage (look, she hasn't quite ditched the fugitive-on-the-run mindset just yet).

Relm tilts her head curiously at the man as she looks up (and up and up) at him. She hates being stupidly short sometimes. "I do have a passing familiarity with it given how much I've been running amok-"

...wait wait wait. Hold up.

All but craning her neck back, Relm laser-focuses on the horns protruding out of the man's head. The very familiar, mildly disturbing horns. For an honest-to-Maker moment she flashes back to the Viscount's Keep, staring down the Arishok. Without realizing it she rubs the spot where the Arishok's sword-spear-thing rammed through her. When she realizes she's been quiet for a tad too long, she quickly says, "Those are some horns you have there."

SNORTS LOUDLY @ RELM AND JUSTICE

[defaulthawke]

((PS the animal parts are just decorative, they don't actually do anything like hearing. also, if they tried to butt heads with their horns, they'd get serious concussions. however, the horns are sensitive to touch, because... sex game.))

Garrett is all set to start off a pleasant conversation with a fellow Thedosian. Really, it would have been quite nice. Then the mysterious woman stares at his horns, eyes wide and a bit haunted, like she's just seen a ghost. Then she touches a spot that- that Garrett knows all too well. His hand goes to his own torso- just under the breastbone, just above the stomach, where his scar is. Massive, piercing all the way through his body.

Shit.

She's a Hawke. She has to be. Well, okay, no she doesn't, but-

"If your name is Marian Hawke, I'm gonna freak out," he blurts.

someone has to pun her to death ok

[indigobird]

((Ah, gotcha. Thanks))

On the list of strangest things that's been said to her, that might rank among the strangest. Relm cocks a brow at him, a little unsure or a moment as to how to respond to that. People have said to her "shit are you Hawke?" before, but Marian? Who the fuck?

"Whaaat if I told you you were about half right? Does that result in a half freak out?" It's a stupid joke but listen, she's a bit freaked herself at the turn this conversation has gone. "You got the surname right, but I'm not Marian. Are you about to tell me of some long lost sister I supposedly have?"

I’m so proud

[defaulthawke]

Garrett lets out a long, put-upon exhale, cocking his head to one side and dragging a hand- well, he attempts to drag a hand through his hair, only to hit those damned horns.

“More like... a long-lost you that you definitely have. That we have, if we’re really gonna get technical on the first date.”

[indigobird]

Oh. Oh okay, so it's going to be that kind of day. The one where the universe/the Maker/some omniscient asshole reminds her yet again that no matter how fucking weird her life has been, it's going to just keep getting weirder. Sure, fine. Okay.

(And this is why she drinks, everyone.)

"Come again? A long lost - that we have? And who is we, exactly?"

[defaulthawke]

"Let's start with names."

He parked his ass on the nearest bench and gestured next to him. They'd both need it.

"I'm Garrett Hawke. And before you ask, no, I'm not your cousin, your uncle, or a long-lost half-brother. I'm the first child of Malcolm and Leandra Hawke. I went into the Deep Roads, dicked around in the Fade once, fought a rock wraith, and got stabbed by the Arishok. Wanna see the scar?"

Garrett lays a hand over the spot where his own scar sits. Yes, Relm, it's gonna be that kind of day.

[indigobird]

She is far, far too sober for this. Fuck, where's Varric or Isabela with a flask when you need one?

Is this the strangest thing she's heard? It just may very well be. When she's finally got some alcohol in her she'll figure that out. Right now Relm's more focused on the man she takes a seat next to. Garrett, he says. He carries the same name as her and claims to, well, essentially be her in a very weird way. Of course, he could be entirely bullshitting this. Varric certainly wrote about all the things he mentioned in his book.

"Relm Hawke. Oldest child of Malcolm and Leandra Hawke. Deep Roads, Fade, Arishok, and a lot more." He doesn't mention anything about the night Anders blew up the Chantry, though she's not keen on the subject herself so she leaves it be, for now. "Show me yours and I'll show you mine." A pause. "...that's not something I get to say often as a woman."

Market

[bitter_phoenix]

"They're all pretty good at that," said a wooden voice from just behind the woman. Mokou was staring at the cuffs for a moment that Relm had been inspecting. Her eye was a little more critical, the idea of bondage not having entirely sold itself to her quite yet. She did, however, nod to the shopkeeper politely and spare him any actually negative commentary. He was just doing his job after all, and it was all pretty harmless. It was always pretty harmless.

"You'd be surprised how easily they make it seem so reasonable, or how fast you'll find yourself in a situation." Said the girl who tried damned hard not to get in over her head like that. "One second, it's a boring day, and then bam. You're on your back with some stranger." She made a little face. "Takes a little getting used to."

Ok, she was overstating it some, but still. It was surprising how easily it could happen around here.

[indigobird]

"Then I'll have to be more on my toes. The lack of smell and good hygiene caught me unawares, what can I say?" Though honestly, he's also a fair bit more charming than the merchants she's used to. Some were good, but she went in a fair bit less guarded. And really, it's cuffs, not a weapon or anything that really required serious scrutiny.

Relm cocked a brow at the rest of her words. The face almost makes her laugh, though she's not sure how much, if at all, the woman's exaggerating. "Sounds like another Tuesday to me," she jokes with a chuckle. Well, it wouldn't be the first time she found herself suddenly having sex. "But perhaps not quite so often. Just how does that sort of thing come about? I remember they went on and on about aphrodisiacs."

[bitter_phoenix]

She simply snickered at that response, shaking her head and smiling over at the relative newcomer. "Didn't catch me off guard, but I'm used to living in the woods." At least she remembered to bathe here. ...ok, Eirin reminded her hygeine was important often enough, but she remembered.

"Oh, so this is all perfectly normal for you, is it?" She teased, not entirely believing it. How many people here could possibly be that into sex? "Well, they slip aphro into your food if you ask, but most of the time they get us into shenanigans that have us close to someone new. Little icebreakers, the sort of stuff that's supposed to make us think 'what if.' They're like a matchmaker, constantly trying to pair us up."

[indigobird]

"Does that happen particularly often in the woods or...?" Hawke's kind of sure she's missing something here.

"Absolutely. Of course. I'll just die if I'm not bent over a barrel in some shape or form every day." Judging by her snickering, she's definitely not serious. Though it'd be far more fun of a predicament than what she's used to back home. "I can see that going very well and very poorly, depending. What sort of things do they do?"

[bitter_phoenix]

"Not taking regular baths? Well, it is the woods. Gets kinda gamey if you're not careful." She shrugged, snickering at the way that Hawke was referring to the usual pastime around here. "Oh you're going to be just fine here, I can tell. Most of the time, they try to find excuses for us to be around each other socially, dressed in as little as they can get away with. ROSIE used to like putting us in swimsuits every time we visited the beach."

...

"You know, until it started getting freezing, when she stopped thank god."

[indigobird]

"Fair, I suppose. I figured it'd be harder to bathe properly in there, unless you have a nice convenient river or lake nearby." Hawke has hid out in the woods before, though she wouldn't say she's lived there. More like camped out in between moving from town to town.

"Nothing terribly sexy about people shivering in the cold. The season doesn't lend itself to dressing skimpily, unless there's a roaring fire and lots of blankets involved."

[bitter_phoenix]

"Yep. And believe me, they're going to go out of their way to find excuses to get us under those blankets. What do you wanna bet they'll offer cocoa for us to drink in front of the fire and say you can have the pink marshmallows for a little extra 'kick?'" Because she could believe that was right up their alley.

...

She'd just ruined marshmallows for herself. It was written all over her face right there. Mokou kind of hated herself for that.

[indigobird]

Relm's smile grows, both in width and in amusement. "I've never had either, but judging by that distraught look on your face, you're never going to have them again either."

3

[thedifferentperspective]

Justice knows exactly who this is. It's too close to Hawke's presence to mistake it for anything else.

But she's guessing that the new Hawke's first thought upon seeing a perpetually glaring woman with long braided hair and ram horns wouldn't be 'Justice', and she's content to leave it that way.

"It depends on your preference. You know why we are here. If you find shackles and leather to be sexually arousing, then you should buy them. If you do not, then do not." Justice says it lightly as she examines the heart-shaped riding crops, but she keeps a healthy physical distance from this Hawke. She doesn't like being too close to any Hawkes, really.

[indigobird]

No, it's not. Her first thought is trying to think of how many stupid puns related to rams and horns she can make in a given conversation.

"So practical. I appreciate someone who doesn't take the sheepish approach to these things." There's one. "I do enjoy the allure of being cuffed, but it takes a little more than that to make me horny." And there's two. By this point, the merchant is trying really, really hard not to groan and roll his eyes.

[thedifferentperspective]

It's only all the time she spent in Anders' head that Justice can even pick up on the fact that Hawke is trying to make a joke, but all the time with mortals in the world won't make this joke funny.

Justice can only arch a single eyebrow at the new Hawke.

"That was terrible."

But hey, this first conversation is going better than her first conversation with Garrett.

[indigobird]

"It's all right, I understand your jealousy. Not everyone can pull off two puns in such quick succession, and so seamlessly." Relm chuckles under her breath as she sets the cuffs down, more focused on the other woman for now. "I just had to, what with your horns being so majestic and be-ewe-tiful. How could I resist?"

The more people groan and insult the puns, the more that come.

[thedifferentperspective]

Oh no. She's still going.

"I find them less majestic and more inconvenient." Justice's hand goes up to trace the shape of one of her horns. She deeply dislikes having ram horns. They're a symbol of Vengeance, and she feels like someone out there is laughing at her. "I have yet to learn how to get rid of them."

[indigobird]

She'll just keep chugging along until she runs out of puns. Or until she gets bored.

"How sad, but true. I imagine there are a number of bad ram-ifications of having such unwieldy horns." Someone please make her stop. "But didn't that... ROSIE thing say that there's a way to make them go away?"

[thedifferentperspective]

"I do not understand how you find enjoyment out of this wordplay." Justice shakes her head, but she can't really be irritated because it's so normal. Just... treating her like she's normal. Of course it's an illusion and she knows that it would change as soon as this new Hawke realizes who and what she is, but she doesn't think about that too hard. She just wants to feel like she's treated like a person again.

"I have yet to understand how to make them leave. I do not know if I am merely ignorant or if the device intended to get rid of them is malfunctioning."

[indigobird]

"I don't understand how you don't. Why not insert some laughter into things when you can?" The world's terrible and serious enough as is, so why make it more so?

Hawke shrugs, a fair bit unsure as to how to help here (because really, in some fashion or other she's helping even if she won't ever admit it). "Can't you ask ROSIE or whatever it's called? If the thing talks to us, can't we talk to it? I just arrived here, so I'm not familiar with this thing."